Infinitesimal Hope

It snowing today.
Since morning.
Damp & cold & whiteness everywhere.
Some hiding their heads in hoods, and some using umbrellas.
And me… used nothing.
Those ice feathers gave me no harm, not even to wet my clothes.

I didn’t feel so good.
Started to have butterflies in my stomach since this morning.
Meantime everyone else chatting about something else.
And some even laugh hardly to the ridiculous jokes they heard to me.
I felt my skin burning – from cheeks to the lower part on both ears.
I never get rid of these adrenalines caused suffers for decades.
And it seems everything screened to my eyeballs made no figure anymore.
Not even a blurry image.
And my brain can’t interpret any datas from my notes that I tried to save for the very last second.

Then the battle begins.
90 minutes ticked away too fast.
My answer sheets still very white – holes everywhere.
Scrawls I made on the rough paper helped me nothing.
Where all the things I’ve stored on this dull brain been?
Have they washed away by the ice feathers that now melt into water drops?

I heard others’ sighs.
While I heaved mine soundlessly.
Unsure if my face already portrayed everything – my anxieties.
And then time’s up.

I’m screaming… but nobody heard me.
Warm transparent liquid formed behind my glasses but nobody saw it.
And it didn’t spill – because I actually has no more tears left to wash away.

It’s too late to change everything.
All I can do is… to keep on having this infinitesimal hope.
Good luck to me for the rest papers.

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3 thoughts on “Infinitesimal Hope

  1. light93 says:

    did you got fever or unwell?
    did you answer ur paper?
    hope u get well soon halmoni~

  2. aethia321 says:

    Rubi!!! Huhu~ I know how you feel. Like for my final exam, I tried to memorized everything and get some early rest, but for the whole night I been twisting and turning around in bed, couldn’t get a good sleep and even woke up at 5.30am to continue my studies. I thought I was more confident on remembering the sections but when I saw the paper my mind went blank… All the sections got mixed up and I end up writing none of the sections on my paper. I was so depressed I thought I would cry too when I told my parent and tried to conceal my shaking throat.

    I guess my situation can’t be compared with yours. But one thing for sure. I somehow feel you should have let the tears flow out instead of keeping it in. There’s always hope as long as you believe in it.

    Hwaiting Rubi!! Hwaiting Hwaiting Hwaiting!!! I believe our dear rubi can do it and I will be here to support no matter what!! 🙂

  3. evearlmine says:

    :: teah gdottie ::
    yes i’m fine, in great physical health, but lack in mental health.
    that’s all.

    :: pheb ::
    thanks for that dear m(_ _)m
    yes, i really wanted to cry, but i really have tears no more.
    they’re pooling inside but not enough to spill out.
    well, i felt really worse all night long yesterday.
    but you know i won’t stay miserable for too long.
    i’m finally fine.
    thanks for everything! *hugs & kisses*

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