Where do I start…
Exams were all over eventually.
And that means I finally have what I really long to have – BREAK.
But is it what the says already told us?
That we only looking forward to something/someone that we haven’t had/got yet.
But at the point we truly possess them, we can’t really appreciate them.
And then for a moment we began to miss the things before them.
I want to get over the hectic days I have during examinations.
I had deprivation of sleep & meal & rest, pressured & stressed all the time, abandoning all my routines as if exams are EVERYTHING.
And eventually the chaotic days passed where I thought I can back to the peaceful, nonchalant days I’ve used to have.
It’s not. Totally not.
Instead of feeling happy & calm, I felt empty.
Emptiness & nothingness.
I hate them.
Maybe the long break is nothing to fit me.
Shouldn’t I enjoy moping all day with nothing to worry?
But I’m more anxious than those days from past couple of weeks!
What the hell is going on with me?
Seems like it’s more difficult to kill the time …
Seemed like I understood why my 66-year-old mom can’t let herself sit on her armchair, watching tv to sleep.
We can’t face the NOTHINGNESS.
NOTHINGNESS is alike to LONELINESS.
No ones can bear to LONELINESS.
And yeah, people has their own way to fill their free.
I should find something to get busy.
That’s the only way out…
p/s : Is EV goin’ thru some trouble state in her mind & heart?