Boarding to final year

Ok. I’m not gonna talk about what really happened today. Something happened. Something that proved me the brittle girl. It’s obviously intrusive, not a reverie but real. I’m more than blanched, the tears that never sign to fall all my way back from Material Chem. Dept. suddenly poured like rain as soon as I arrived home. And later I was crying intermittently before I got my hold back.

And below is my school schedule. Yes I know everyone’s gonna see me furrowing – creasing my forehead again. Let you see it by yourself then.

  • 2月16日 Feb 16th : 卒論会 Undergraduate Graduation Thesis Final Presentation
  • 2月17日 Feb 17th : 修論会 Masters Graduation Thesis Final Presentation
  • 2月23日 Feb 23rd : 研究配属説明会 Meeting for Research Attachment
  • 2月24日 Feb 24th : 研究の見学 Visiting Research Laboratory – Open Lab
  • 2月25日 Feb 25th :  研究志望書の提出 Submitting Research Application Form
  • 3月3日 March 3rd : 4年生・研究に進学できる学生の発表 Announcing the students who eligible to proceed to 4th year/research
  • 3月6日 March 6th : 配属結果発表 Announcing the Lab. Attachment Result

That’s all for now. To those who wanna know how I did for my last final exam : I did badly. I don’t belong here, the place of all geniuses and easy to keep up students.

They can reach the goal by leisure walk, but I have to keep running, increasing my speed all the time. I fell several times, but I made my journey too far leaving my starting point behind. That means no turning back. Whatever it takes, I have to keep on. Sometimes I gave up and turned down my speed, knowing I am nothing to compete. But it’s now not about the speed, it’s about reaching the goal. I hope I’ll make it.

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7 thoughts on “Boarding to final year

  1. aethia321 says:

    When I read that rubi’s tears were pouring down like rain, my tears were sliding down like loose water-pipe. I feel like if rubi dear was in front of me now, I would burst out crying and sprint forward to hug you.

    Yesterday when I saw your ym status put ‘let me be alone for a while’, it felt bad. But I didn’t know what to do instead of leaving a msg on my status saying I am willing to listen when you are ready. Then this morning I figure you would write something in your WP and so I check and here it is…

    To tell the truth, I also didn’t have the mood yesterday seeing rubi like this. Sure I watch a video or two and burst out laughing and smiling. But then when I was alone, trying to type my story, nothing came out, and I find myself constantly glancing at my ym. I should be making rubi feel better but I think I am making things worst here. >_<

    Anyway, I know rubi is a strong, independent, capable girl. You have walked through so many years already, I know you will have the strength to continue till the end. The tears may have been shed but after it all it comes a new strength to move on right? Like a snake shedding it’s skin.. *okay, I dunno what I am saying here :P*

    Let them take their slow leisure walk. All it matters is you did your best. Sure you need to run and might even tripped down over a few rocks along the way. But know that you did your best and all it matters is you have the strength to stand up again. All I am really truly saying is no matter what happens, you still have these bunch of friends here behind you to break your fall. We might not know how to help you stand up back but we are more than willing to be there to break your fall.

  2. evearlmine says:

    Pheb dear,

    Sorry and thanks. I knew I worried you again. I’m truly sorry. The truth is, I really don’t wanna tell anybody but when I was back at home, there’ 2 YM windows on my screen, one’s Ec’s and another was my senior.

    I thought I’m really “fine” to tell I’m just back from school and yeah I did see something on the notice board that broke my heart. It’s indeed a sad news, but not to make me tears as soon as I saw it. But who knows, as soon as I started to story it, the tears came out of nowhere.

    I hang those YM windows for seconds and as you saw that status. I’ve been away for quite a minutes. I recalled what you said, “just let them(tears) wash me away”. And then when I think I was ok enough to tell what I saw, I told these 2.

    I know everyone’s supporting and trying their best to calm me when I’m lost. Bring me back to my true me… I don’t know why recently I was being brittle, not fragile. Maybe because, I’m heading to my final year… the pressure slowly raised without my knowing and broke me sometimes.

    Thanks and sorry pheb. I know you’re there to listen to me. But I wasn’t ready at that time. Truly sorry. I am not leaving you behind dear 🙂 I’ll be back, fine and calm down.

  3. ZaliZabrina says:

    daijoubu dayo~~naku toki wa naku..sorede mae muki ni natte kurereba ii yo..demo ne, atashi mo rubi to onaji youna tachiba nandakara, nanka attara itte mi..kiku dake wa kiku yo..atashi mo anmari chikara ni narenakute gomenna..but u got to remember..even if we’re not with u, we’re there for u dear..
    chaiyok2!! ^^, *hugs*

  4. arieszai says:

    huhuhuhu~~~~ bab nih yg echah tak penah berjaya… bab nak tenangkan & bg semangat tuk teruskan perjuangan…

    i know… so many tears, so many hardship you had overcome… so many that obstacle you had destroyed… yet… there are so many waiting for you… right in front of you… never lose ur fighting spirit!!~ gotta fight till the very end!!~

    sikit ja lagi!!~~ hwaiting!!~ gambatteh!!~ ^^

  5. yuuras says:

    huhuhu…shida bab ni xtau nk ckap pe…
    just can pray 4 u…do ur best n it will be fine…
    perjuangan msti diteruskan!gambatte ne~
    halmoni aja!

  6. evearlmine says:

    :: Zali ::

    ありがとう!落ち込み過ぎただけかもね、このとき。今は何とか大丈夫だけど。誰かに話せばいいのかも知れないが、たまに一人に居たいときもあるんだ。最近は後の方が多かったみたいけど。心配させてごめん。m(_ _)m

    :: Ec ::

    It’s ok. I just need to be alone at that time. But can’t really pretend that I’m not seeing you on my laptop screen and later appeared to be everything ok. That’s not me, you know that. Maybe just the coincidence for you to be there so I got someone to talk. But I can’t really actually. Later I ended up alone and find my hold back by myself. Uhm! I’d try whatever I can do then. Don’t worry. Ups & downs were my true friends for years 🙂

    :: Shida ::

    Ok. Got it. Let’s do our best. Though we’re in different situation & countries, all these are happening, in vary way sooner or later. Ganbarou!

  7. ZaliZabrina says:

    I understand you, coz I went through the same experience sometimes, and can’t talk to anyone.. At least, if you can’t talk, just burst it into tears..get it all out, even by yourself..or in your pray’s OK to cry..or you can share it here..rite?

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