Bitter-sweet

Feb 15th ~ Feb 16th Diaries

Weather : Snow showers

Current temperature : -6℃ (feels like -13℃)

First of all, my parcel from Ec delivered safely to me yesterday evening.
And yeah guess what’s been attached inside?
I bet my Ec wanted to make it as belated birthday gift, aren’t you Ec?
Check out below picture then.

.

Ruby-red Ring

Ruby-red Ring

I know it’s tiny and inobvious on my dark skin, but can you guys see the ruby-red ring on my middle finger?
Wow!
I was surprised.
Ec sent me a ruby-red ring? Triple R huh? 😛
I guess she read my obsession towards Ruby lately so that she sent me this.
Thanks Ec! *I hope Ed send me the real Ruby though! :P*
Ok.
That’s the sweet one

 

The bitter one.
I got repeat paper today.
On the day when all fellow friends from the same batch of mine having final presentation.
Gahhhh.
Komiyama in his up-to-toe formal suit – black-pinstriped-tuxedo with charm blue-yellow-striped tie hardly made me recognize him.
I’d mistaken him as Bussiness student rather than Engineering student just now.
Well.
I’m not talking about how smart that guy was.
I’m talking about the pain slicing inside my heart, because we should’ve been in the same occasion, same event today.
….Instead, I’ve to sit a repeat exam, as if I’m still in my 3rd year.

I arrived at Mat. Chem. building very early – 1.20 pm that’s 40 minutes before the exam begins.
And my exam’s held just right next to where Komiyama presents!
*another sigh*
Ok. I’m the first to be there, almost panicked when nobody insight after 25 minutes later.
Am I the only one who’s going to sit this exam?
I bet it’s not but I began to doubt if there’s schedule change or such.
And soon, one boy entered from the front door.
And I heaved a silent sigh when he placed Chemical Process Eng. textbook on his desk.
I’m on the right day, right time & at the right place, so calm down!
I don’t know his name, but one interesting fact (not really interesting though!) …
he’s just like me.
He claimed he got different answers everytime he calculates the problems.
And then our exam began.
There’ 4 of us – 2 boys & 2 girls.
The other girl left early – early as the time’s up at 3.30 pm.
But sensei extended the period to 3.45 pm, giving the three of us the final chance.
I don’t know.
I faced the exactly same questions last year, but still I can’t make it… perfectly.
And the boy I mentioned above…
I eavesdropped he told his friend that he began to panick at the question number 2 – same as me.
I don’t know what’s the right formula to use, though it’s obviously the same as example written on the textbook.

And he said something else.
He said he can’t take it anymore.
He said he wanted to die.

So that’s how you feel when things not really going well, not as you’ve expected & hoped.
Who wants to fail?
Who wants to suffer of the failures?
Nobody.
But at the time we have to face it, no one would understand that, except we, who’re facing it now.

I wish I could talk to him at that moment.
His life isn’t at the end… yet.
He just felt it for one paper.
How about me?

So…
when you think you’re the WORST, there must be someone worse somewhere else.
Yeah, I wanted to think positive.
If I went on the opposite, I’d say the same thing he said.
“I wanted to die”
….But I’d rather say it with some additional words at the back,
that is,

“I wanted to die in peace, after I achieved my aims & hopes, after I repaid what Mom had give me though I knew I can’t do it, but I want to, after I tributed something I have to others, to people who need it/them.”

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8 thoughts on “Bitter-sweet

  1. Phebs says:

    Your skin dark? It doesn’t seem that way. The ring looks nice! I got a bracelet thats just matching with that ring. Maybe I should give it to rubi as a present someday. *winks* While rubi’s place is cold, mine here is freaking hot. The exact opposite.

    I am sure rubi did her best in the exam. Have faith you won’t fail this time.

    Yup, we have to think positive. And I SO agree with your last statement. :D.

  2. ZaliZabrina says:

    wow..that boy wanted to die? What exactly did he said in japanese? sometimes it’s just a sarcasm..like “shinu ka to omotta” toka ne..but it doesnt matter if everyone else is moving on..you just have to go on your pace to move on..everyone has their own life, dont have to follow others..yeah?

    p/s: I thought the hand’s pic is from internet, didnt recognized that it’s yours..:-P the ring looks nice in your hand, and also the one at your wrist..:-)

  3. evearlmine says:

    :: Pheb ::
    it’s nice to have a set of jewelry, but thanks 🙂
    don’t do that just because Ec did send me sth earlier 😛
    it’s more than gift to see you on9 on my YM everyday 😉

    :: Zali ::
    no.. he didn’t say
    「死ぬかと思った」
    but he said
    「マジ死にてーよ!もう死にてー!もうダメだ!」
    he doesn’t look so good from the very 1st, like he doesn’t want to give up.
    yes indeed because he claimed “everytime he calculates, the answers are vary one to others”
    but he’s just like me…
    戸惑うっていうか、諦めたくないけど諦めちゃう感じで。
    seeing him like seeing me from the last year.
    i was reflashing back my image in front of the cursed mirror it seems.
    that’s what i feel when i heard him says that.
    it hurts, but i wish he heard me saying all i did above.
    we still have time to re-do, though it’ll be harder.
    🙂

    p/s :: haha.. is that a praise dear? 😛 i did have that bracelet since a year before. the ruby-red ring is the brand new one. wow~ never had a jewelry as a gift *blushed*

  4. ZaliZabrina says:

    そっか・・・そいつも諦めたくないんだろうけど、つい「死にたい」と口にしちゃうかもよ。でも、わかんないもんね、日本人は自殺多いし・・・Lets just hope he didnt mean that..

    p/s: it was a praise laa.. 😛 bracelet tu dr siapa ya??admirer maybe? 😛

  5. evearlmine says:

    そうだよ。本気に聞こえたけど、本気じゃないなぁって、うちもそう願ったのよ。姉ちゃんとしてね?:)

    hahahahaha… that bracelet I bought it myself from Otaru Glass Museum. I wish I can take u there someday ..when u visit Hokkaido again, later maybe? *winks*

  6. ZaliZabrina says:

    haha..bila laa nak smpi hokkaido lg nih 😦

  7. arieszai says:

    hoh???? how come that ring reach you??? *innocent face*
    letme think…. hmmmm… i just put Xkgs *censored* of chilies and tomatoes in the parcel… then some medicine… and what else?? *thinking hard* instant mee?? … but how that “red ruby” ring get in there???

    haishhhh~~ this must be ed grandpa!!!~ he secretly put that ring in there himself…. aigooo~~ maybe he feels shy to give them personally.. so… ^^

    really… thats not me who put that ring in there *pretend to be innocent* 😛

  8. evearlmine says:

    :: Ec ::
    how’s your grandpa gonna slip out of your Twilight Saga parcel and put the ring in that parcel then?
    remember that I hung him in the box for weeks?
    because I have exams and didn’t really wanna go out to post it?
    😛
    like grandpa like grandchild!
    u too held big secret aren’t you?
    *shake head to right & left*
    😛

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