Caught-up Game

Very fine morning. Since I’m fasting, I’m no late to wake up at 8.30 am. I need not to prepare breakfast, not even have to care for a cup of coffee. Warm since morning. And I even sweat right after I took my bath!

Ouch. I hurt myself when I about to unlock my bicycle. It supposed to be very shallow cut but red vicious liquid appeared in no time! I’m a little shocked. Not that much, but more than what I could expect blood came out from my right forefinger.

5 minutes before 10.00 am but I can only see Isaka-san & Satou-san already present. None others rather than Daddy & Higuchi Sensei. I don’t think Satou gave a cold greet, but I do feel curious to know does he mind Kaori words on Saturday? – “I hate him because of his BIG voice”. Gahh. Who said that for REAL? Kaori just wanted to steal his attention when he’s so busy chatting non-stop with Yomo. C’mmon guys! I never told anyone I hate certain people. Even though I have hatred toward GUYS once upon a time ago, but now the hatred gone. Neither obsessed nor hate. I’m neutral, ok? Got it?

O my. My finger still bleeding. Sticking a plaster on, I found myself a lil’ “handicapped” to type on my keyboard. Then K.T came in, not in a very good condition. Sitting behind me, talking to Satou. I wish I never got any single words he said into my ears, but instead everything came in naturally. O yeah. I heard pieces of story, a little incomplete, missing some lines & stuffs but he claimed to be in pain. Even have a thought to pay a visit to Health Administration Center? Did I hear something wrong about “bleeding” and stuff? Or my ears created some illusional sounds there? Sound serius but I don’t know the real thing. And yeah it might be my super creative mind created something scary again then me ended up worrying all the time.

Worries. Anxious. Curious. These three stole my attention for the whole Solid Chem class. Thank goodness I’ve recorded the full class so later I can re-listen to Prof. Kikkawa today’s lesson. Can’t help my itchy fingers to type out some message on my handphone, but everytime I tried I ended up picking up and putting it down intermittently. This’ killing me!

Why do I have to worry this much? It could be nothing, it could be only me who heard it wrong. Great. Now he left, and I ain’t sure he’ll be back again or not. Now the worries grow bigger. I picked up my phone, AGAIN. This time I typed out few words but I didn’t push the “send” button. I know myself very well – a HESITANT. Delaying times, hoping that I might forget all these, but it was all wrong. The more I delay, the more I’m worried. Ok. Why not give a try? Sent. Now awaiting for the reply. But no reply. My heart’s like goinna explode. Explosion of worries. Do he deserves my worries, actually?

20.59. That’s the time recorded where the reply FINALLY here. He said nothing’s BIG. Just the effect of hangover made him feel sick. O yeah? So I’m the one who’s carried away by this streaming anxieties? Gahhh. I’m paranoid. Was it really NOTHING big? The reply itself sounds so doubtful to me. Well. The fact is, I’m the ONE with UNNECESSARY worries. Full stop.

Why do I feel like this? When will this game ends? Game of….. I don’t know. I’m freaking out already…. with myself. Goin’ crazy with more days passing by. What should I do? Let them all go away and back to the old days. Or challenge myself to be more freaky? I’ve lost my direction. I am LOST.

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