Category Archives: Today’s In History

Protected: I need a dream interpreter. Anyone?

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Too easily tear

I cried…. again. Not because someone shoot me with his hurting words neither someone broke my fragile heart. But it’s because our Sasha Fierce has turned to be Sasha Nice. It might be too blurry if I say it like this. Ok, read this now.

I love this song called ‘Halo’ by Beyonce since the very first I listened to it. I felt to have Beyonce’s third album (complete album, with all the bonus tracks) after I watched ‘If I Were A Boy’ music video on Yahoo! Music, so that’s where I know Halo, before the single bursts out on every radio charts. I thought I just love Ryan Tedder’s songs, but definitely it’s more than just that.  

Until I found the article on Yahoo! Music Blog citing about Beyonce singing this song in a very unique style on her tour in Sydney, Australia dedicating it to one little girl named Chelsea, which now suffering leukemia.

I would say I clicked on the link because I love the song, in the first place. But I was all wrong when I keep in tears everytime I push the ‘Replay’ button. Beyonce sounded so nice with her calm & soothing voice and this 2.45 minutes clip is full of heart-touching moments.

Have a watch. Are you with me guys? 😉

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Songtitle : Halo
Artist : Beyonce Knowles
Album : I Am… Sasha Fierce [2008]
Songwriters: Bogart, Evan Kidd; Knowles, Beyonce Gisselle; Tedder, Ryan Benjamin;

Lyrics :
Remember those walls I built
Well baby they’re tumbling down
And they didn’t even put up a fight
They didn’t even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standin’ in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It’s like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
It’s the risk that I’m takin’
I ain’t never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m lookin’ now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You’re the only one that I want
Think I’m addicted to your light

I swore I’d never fall again
But this don’t even feel like falling
Gravity can’t forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
It’s the risk that I’m takin’
I’m never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m lookin’ now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo

Halo, halo

Everywhere I’m lookin’ now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo

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Protected: 2-week-diary

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中間報告・中間発表会

7月16日

初めて夜10時まで研究室にいた。明日の中間発表のスライド作りなどまだやってる。2週間前ほどから少しずつスライドの内容や準備を考えたけど、スライドに載せるためのデータ計り、微構造観察(SEM)などまだ残ってるから、これらをやりながらスライドを作った。

なかなか終わらなくて、水曜日の雑誌会の準備とかでこの一週間はもう本当にくたくたなんだ。私だけじゃないから、以前、先輩方の何人かが同じ様な事があったんだ。皆は諦めずに頑張ったから、私も負けずに自分のベストでやってみた。やっぱ自分にとってベストといって他人にとってベストに限らないね。

7月17日

中間発表当日だ。最後の発表者だったけど、あんまりにも緊張しすぎて、最初からもダメダメだったけど、それでも全力でやったんだ。まさか最後の発表者にあんな衝撃的な質問や言葉が出てくる何て、本当にショック。って言うより、○○先生が声を出した瞬間に、また何かキツイことが聞かれるって感じたけど。また涙流したね、私。全くあの先生の言葉が原因ではないとは言えないけど、数パーセントの可能性はあるけど、逆に言えば、その先生の言葉から、自分がどれだけ情けない生徒であるかをまたはっきり、気づいたんだ。

いつかこんなこと起きるんだろうねって研究室に入ったばっかの時に予想したけどさ。自分が情けなすぎて、ここでいるみんなに迷惑とか、きついことばっかり言われるとか。事実だけど、与える側と受ける側の見方が違うだけでもその時点で誰がが傷付くとは、避けられないことだもんね。誤解。それだ。

まあ。執行さんに誠に有難う御座います!m(_ _)m 脆くて、弱いところ見せちゃったね、執行さんに。見せたくないわ、もともと。でも、あいう状態で誰かが私のことをきいてくれそうなことを聞いたら、必死で我慢して零れないような涙も零れちゃう。って、私が弱いのは、人の優しさだ。自分が気遣うのは当たり前のように思ってるけど、気遣われる時に…

という中間報告・発表の話しだった。また涙流したなぁ、久々に。しかも人前だ何て!ちょっと大人になってきたかと思ったら、また子供頃に戻ったみたいんだね…

Protected: the “just”…

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Caught-up Game

Very fine morning. Since I’m fasting, I’m no late to wake up at 8.30 am. I need not to prepare breakfast, not even have to care for a cup of coffee. Warm since morning. And I even sweat right after I took my bath!

Ouch. I hurt myself when I about to unlock my bicycle. It supposed to be very shallow cut but red vicious liquid appeared in no time! I’m a little shocked. Not that much, but more than what I could expect blood came out from my right forefinger.

5 minutes before 10.00 am but I can only see Isaka-san & Satou-san already present. None others rather than Daddy & Higuchi Sensei. I don’t think Satou gave a cold greet, but I do feel curious to know does he mind Kaori words on Saturday? – “I hate him because of his BIG voice”. Gahh. Who said that for REAL? Kaori just wanted to steal his attention when he’s so busy chatting non-stop with Yomo. C’mmon guys! I never told anyone I hate certain people. Even though I have hatred toward GUYS once upon a time ago, but now the hatred gone. Neither obsessed nor hate. I’m neutral, ok? Got it?

O my. My finger still bleeding. Sticking a plaster on, I found myself a lil’ “handicapped” to type on my keyboard. Then K.T came in, not in a very good condition. Sitting behind me, talking to Satou. I wish I never got any single words he said into my ears, but instead everything came in naturally. O yeah. I heard pieces of story, a little incomplete, missing some lines & stuffs but he claimed to be in pain. Even have a thought to pay a visit to Health Administration Center? Did I hear something wrong about “bleeding” and stuff? Or my ears created some illusional sounds there? Sound serius but I don’t know the real thing. And yeah it might be my super creative mind created something scary again then me ended up worrying all the time.

Worries. Anxious. Curious. These three stole my attention for the whole Solid Chem class. Thank goodness I’ve recorded the full class so later I can re-listen to Prof. Kikkawa today’s lesson. Can’t help my itchy fingers to type out some message on my handphone, but everytime I tried I ended up picking up and putting it down intermittently. This’ killing me!

Why do I have to worry this much? It could be nothing, it could be only me who heard it wrong. Great. Now he left, and I ain’t sure he’ll be back again or not. Now the worries grow bigger. I picked up my phone, AGAIN. This time I typed out few words but I didn’t push the “send” button. I know myself very well – a HESITANT. Delaying times, hoping that I might forget all these, but it was all wrong. The more I delay, the more I’m worried. Ok. Why not give a try? Sent. Now awaiting for the reply. But no reply. My heart’s like goinna explode. Explosion of worries. Do he deserves my worries, actually?

20.59. That’s the time recorded where the reply FINALLY here. He said nothing’s BIG. Just the effect of hangover made him feel sick. O yeah? So I’m the one who’s carried away by this streaming anxieties? Gahhh. I’m paranoid. Was it really NOTHING big? The reply itself sounds so doubtful to me. Well. The fact is, I’m the ONE with UNNECESSARY worries. Full stop.

Why do I feel like this? When will this game ends? Game of….. I don’t know. I’m freaking out already…. with myself. Goin’ crazy with more days passing by. What should I do? Let them all go away and back to the old days. Or challenge myself to be more freaky? I’ve lost my direction. I am LOST.

S.E.M & Mr. K.T

Uh oh! Someone showed some curiosity to know my blog today! O my Goodness! I usually hyped when people wanna know me from by blogs, but not to this “someone”! 😛

I was scheduled to use S.E.M (scanning electron microscope) for the previously made samples’ analysis/evaluation. This gonna the first time. I used it once during our student’s experiment like 2~3 years ago, but at that time we didn’t do it fully by ourselves. T.A will do it for us like 75% of the processses. And now when we’re already in final year research, we HAVE to handle the apparatus ALL by OURSELVES! *phew*

At 1400, I started doing the preparation. The preparation ALONE is troublesome. And then at around 1500, we started the observation. There are majorly 3 types of microscopes (not the one you guys use to see microorganisms during junior high school/secondary school!) which ARE ALL NEWLY BOUGHT. That made me scared a little more coz I’d have the possibility to damage them all! With the cost around 30,000,000 yen for a microscope, that means NO MISTAKES are forgiven to be done here!

So. For the beginner like me, someone experienced & totally capable like Abe-san is needed. No just to be a guide, but full observer & 80% of the works are done by him. I observed 6 samples today, which took FOUR HOURS! This is ABSOLUTELY WAY HARDER THAN X-RAY DIFFRACTION!

And oohhhh. Mr. K.T made himself presence in the room too. Since he’s using different microscope, so it’s not impossible to be there too at the same time. I don’t know if that’s the coincidence for him today, or the usual thing he always do. But to be just three of us there was kinda interesting.

Mr. K.T would asked me a lil bit more personal things when Abe-san disappears for cigarette/tea break. I realized I was a little “stiff” at first when it’s just me & Abe-san there. But then after Mr. K.T presents there, we went like three friends chatting freely, while we keep on working on our stuffs!

We talked A LOT. A lot of things. But one BIG thing is, Mr. K.T suddenly asked me on my blog. He asked where did I write my blog… is it on Japanese site, or others? Don’t you guys think what I think? I did mention about my blog to him on our last Friday’s Genghis Khan Party, so I bet he still memorized the fact very well.

So I asked him back, “Does it mean, you’re kinda curious now?” and he answered “Errr… yeah. Kind of…. Wonder if you wrote about our lab” Ahahahaha. O my! Does he read minds? Or did he read MY mine ONLY? That’s gonna be a BIG trouble to me!!! 😛

I don’t wanna lie, but of course at the same time I can’t tell him all the things. So I admitted I wrote about our lab, but I never wrote the BAD things. Am I right, guys? I NEVER said ANY SINGLE BAD THING about our lab. Just I’m afraid he found out the OTHER MORE SHOCKING thing I wrote on my blog here 😛

I told him this domain too (wordpress). But I bet he never knows my nickname here. So my secrets still… SAFE. And I also joked that I will delete this blog before he finds it out! 😛

Haha. Ok. That’s all for today, the TIRING but FUNNY day. See ya guys! 😉